The Pun Thread

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17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer!"

[cincygreg]

How about some really dumb jokes!

Why didnt the football player leave the game when he broke a toe?

It wasnt his toe [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]

What is a bull's favorite haristyle?

A cowlick [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]


Where so reindeer go on vactions?

The Rein Forest [img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]


Why did the farmer cross the road?

To get his chicken back [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]

OK, I'll stop!

[reason]

I could have sworn this was a pun thread.

[reason]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

[reason]

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...... "A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

[Lew]

Beaver: All the kids at school make fun of our family, Wally.

Wally: What do you mean, Beav?

Beaver: They say we're all mushy like a loaf of white bread.

Eddie: Makes you kinda WONDER, huh CRUMB?

[Sean Pa]

I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream. There was only one thing bothering me, quite much indeed, and that was her best friend. She was smart, beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, which made me uncomfortable.

One day her friend called me up. She asked me to come over to her place to help with completing the wedding invitation list. So I went. She was alone. When I arrived, she whispered to me that soon I was to be married to her best friend, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. So before I married and committed my life to her friend, she wanted to make love to me just once. What could I say? I was in total shock; I couldn't say a word. Then she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come up and join me.

I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door. I opened it, and stepped out of the house. My girlfriend was standing outside, with tears in her eyes. She hugged me and said, I am very happy; you have passed my little test. I couldn't have asked for a better man as a husband.

Lesson: Always keep your condoms in the car.

[Sean Pa]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

JACQUES CHIRAC
We are chickens, and will veto any resolution that may force us to cross a road. It isn't safe.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envisage a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What? chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

[reason]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

<font color="#FFFFAA" size="1">[ December 20, 2005 08:47 AM: Message edited by: The Big Sexy ]</font>

[reason]

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"